Learn on her case! She destroyed her marriage because of these four things.
1. I always put kids in the first place
It’s easy to love your children. It takes very little effort and they adore you, no matter what. Marriage, however, is a small contrast: it’s a job. And whenever my marriage began to feel like I was doing a hard work, I would go out with the kids outside either for a walk or in a movie theater. I often planned these adventures when I knew that my husband could not go (or not to spoil me). I spoke to myself, everything is fine, it works anyway, and somehow it seemed to me that it was not for family trips.
I chose to sleep most of the night with the children in the room, blaming my husband for a lot of hurting and resting because children are already falling into the room several times, looking for something or are afraid to sleep alone. As a result, we were barely an hour alone, and we never spent a night without children. Well, maybe once a year on our anniversary.
2. I have not set (or imposed) borders with my parents
They were often in our house, sometimes they would come unannounced and enter freely in the house. They would “help” around the house and do things that we never asked for, such as spreading the laundry. They would go with them on vacation. We would overwhelm our children in front of us. My fears have slowed me down to make the boundary and set rules for my parents’ behavior. My husband literally married my whole family.
We rarely did love. And I became a gentleman
I thought that love is sincerity, but we all know that the truth hurts. As we felt more comfortable (read: lazy) in our relationship, I was too tired of the actions. And if he did something, he would constantly attack him: “why did you do it”?
Instead of helping him build his own ego, I humiliated him. I often told him that his job was not very much, and that he was sure to go away only to see his skinny colleagues (because I had too many pounds).
I kept telling him that he was doing everything wrong, and honestly, he just did not work for me. Sometimes I talked to him like a child. I controlled family finances and complained to him about any undue spending.
And in the bedroom, you guessed – everything was wrong, and I was not ashamed to tell him that. As our marriage collapsed, I was constantly looking for errors and mistakes so that I could justify my superiority. At the end of the day, I no longer feel the respect for him, which I showed him.
4. I did not try to learn to fight in the right way
I know it sounds strange to suggest that there is a proper way of fighting. But there is. I had a tendency to preserve peace in our home if I kept my mouth shut when things really bothered me, but I did not. As you can imagine, all the small things that have crippled me have grown into a huge arc of anger that will occasionally turn into a great, really terrifying attack. Now that I look backwards, I was obviously an ordinary scary bitch during those episodes.
I am writing this with the hope that I will somehow return my now ex-husband back. And I beg him for forgiveness. I write this because I can not believe how long I kept my head in the sand. I hope that other women through my story will at least understand how many women we can destroy a family.
And while I’m still upset that my husband decided to solve our problems in another woman’s bed, I still admit that my behavior pushed him there.