Sometimes, in relationships where we should have love, attention and support, our partner is going to control us like a puppet. The worst of all is that sometimes we are not aware of it and we blame ourselves for the problems in the relationship. If you suspect that your relationship is like this, read through the most common tricks that the manipulators use and the simplest ways to resist them.
1. You are guilty. Always!
All manipulators have a common skill: they are great in making you feel guilty even when you are not. Have you ever asked for help from your partner and you received a response like: “Did not you think that I might be busy?”, “I told you that I have a job!”, “Why do you always think about yourself?” And behold, you you are guilty of seeking help. In this case, your partner is one of those people around which the whole world is turning. To counter this manipulation, follow these steps:
- Realize that your partner wants to control you
- Stay calm
- Remind him that he is an adult, responsible for his behavior
2. And they are victims. Always!
Would not you pity a little, helpless kitten? So the manipulators want to see them. Their life is very difficult and painful, so you must feel the same with their misfortune. Manipulators use this trick when searching for “service” or trying to avoid liability. If you have noticed that your partner often fills your head with emotional stories from his unlucky life, this may be the reason. However, do not interfere with this when the partner shares his feelings with you to get support. The manipulator tries to only benefit.
When the manipulator has no more arguments, it will attempt to use provocations as a last resort. He can say things about which a normal person will ask himself if he is a manipulator in pure consciousness or he will try to do something that will trigger your negative emotions and you will get angry. The whole of this is to involve you in a meaningless quarrel and make you say something that you will use in your defense. Tell them that what they say makes no sense – you will be witnessing a tragedy on the same level with Shakespeare. If you see such behavior, stay calm and do not sit down on the provisions. Return the conversation to the main topic. If the partner continues to act in this way, it is better to kindly end the conversation.
4. Press for a decision!
The less time we have to decide, the less time we have for thinking. Manipulators are pushing you to make quick decisions so you can not really think about them. It is therefore extremely important for them to give an answer after only a few minutes of reflection. Never make the decisions immediately, set aside time for reflection. If your partner still presses you, slow down by telling him that you think about it.
5. Your problems? Never heard of them!
The second thing that is common with the manipulators is that they do not care. If you want to talk about problems and share your feelings, the manipulator will probably do something from the following:
- He will avoid the conversation and act as if he is busy.
- He will turn the conversation into his own troubles: “Are you terribly disturbed by your work today? Can you imagine how I feel I have to fight it every day? “You think your partner is worried about your problems after this?
There are not many ways to protect yourself from this behavior. It would probably be better to find someone else who would be caring and compassionate.
6. “I will die without you!”
This manipulative technique is usually called emotional blackmail and is probably the most slanderous and most selfish of all. The manipulator plays on the map of your fear and guilt, shifting the responsibility for his life and health to you. In other words: “I will kill myself if you leave me.” But it’s just blackmail and bigger chances of seeing snow in July.
To avoid this manipulation, consider the following:
- Remember that it’s just a blackmail that your partner uses to ensure your well-being
- Remind your partner that you are not responsible for his decisions
7. Did not he say that ?!
Another sinister technique that manipulators use is questioning and doubts in their own memory and reason. It is based on the distortion of the past and the mixing of facts to put the manipulator in the best possible position and confuse you.
“No, I certainly did not call you that,” “What? I would remember if you asked me for help. Something is wrong with you today. “In this way it looks like in practice. Some manipulators use this trick so skillfully that you begin to question your memory. It’s not easy to get used to this game. Take note of all the things:
- Rely on your memory and make sure you remember things as they were
- Insist that you remember very well what you have stated, but do not engage in quarrel
8. They are like a corrupt plate!
Manipulators do not want to discuss the usual problems. They will cunningly tell you that the quarrel ended earlier. That’s why you start the old quarrels over and over again. It is actually easier to force the walls to speak than the manipulator to change their attitude. These are two tips that will help you not sit down on their game:
- Always keep in mind the subject of the quarrel
- Remember what caused the problem and why you started the conversation
9. Use tricks!
Manipulators use this simple trick to get what you want from them. First, they exaggerate the request to a great extent, and then appear to be a smaller, real demand. “Well, if we can not eat a heart from a blue whale for dinner, why not come out and eat dinner at that Italian restaurant?” You’ll probably choose what a request is more comfortable to accomplish. However, the trick is that you do not have to choose. You will easily avoid this manipulation if you remember these two things:
- Actually you do not have to help
- Your decisions should be based on a rational basis, not on an order
10. They are crazy!
Pretending that you do not understand without a doubt is a children’s trick, but that’s not a problem for the manipulators. They use everything to keep themselves in a favorable position. There are many ways to avoid this behavior, but perhaps the right decision is to take your partner to the market and buy the toy he wants. But wait, are we adults? That’s why it’s better:
- Try a different approach when you ask the same question
- Do the same thing – does the partner who refuses to help you deserve better treatment?
Manipulation is a characteristic feature, so remember that the manipulator can not make you a better person. They will stick to their behavior and at the cost of breaking with you.