You may not like the clichés that exist on forgiveness.
You may know each sentence, any advice regarding forgiveness or any accepted opinion regarding that subject.
If so, then you know that no part of forgiveness is easy. It seems almost impossible to bridge the canyon between the “decision to forgive” and the real feeling of peace after forgiveness.
Forgiveness is actually the most personal thing we can give. And you need to know that in return you can not expect anything, because forgiveness is not intended for someone else, forgive yourself for yourself.
However, once you really understand why it is difficult to forgive, it may then become easier to forgive and give.
Forgiveness is an infinite, unforgiving plain for those who are craving for justice. Our mum meant to let someone get away from something they did without the consequences. We do not want to simply wrap our hands off everything. We want their hands to be bloody. We want an eye for the eye, tooth tooth. We want them to feel the burden of the consequences of what they have done, not us.
Forgiveness seems to be the biggest fraud of self. You do not want to give up fighting for justice once that has happened to you. Burning anger and poisoning your body grows in you. You are completely aware of this, but you can not help. Anger has become an inseparable part of you, such as the heart or the lungs. Everyone knows that feeling.
No, trebali bi nešto znati o bijesu: to je instrumentalni osjećaj. Bijesni smo jer želimo pravdu. Zato što mislimo da je koristan. Zato što pretpostavljamo da, što smo bjesniji, to ćemo biti sposobniji nešto promijeniti. Bijes ne shvaća da je prošlost gotova i da je šteta učinjena. Bijes vam govori da će osveta sve popraviti. On je u potjeri za pravdom.
However, the justice we want is not always real. Being angry is always like getting a snout from the wound, because we think that there will not be a scar if the wound is constantly open. It is to think that one day the person who caused us the injustice will come to us and cover the wound with such a passion that we will never be able to identify where the wound was. The real truth about anger is that he is nothing more than refusing to heal, because you are afraid. Because you are afraid of becoming an early wound and when you need to continue life in your new, unfamiliar skin. You want your old skin back. And so anger tells you that this wound has to bleed all the time.
When everything is in you, forgiveness seems impossible. We want to be able to forgive because the intellect tells us that this is the most healthy decision. We want peace that farewell can provide. We want relief. We want madness in our minds to break, yet we do not know the path to that.
What no one wants to say about forgiveness: he will not repair anything. Forgiveness is not a gum that will eradicate any pain that has been caused to you. The pain with which you lived and give you the peace of the moment will not disappear. Finding peace is the long path that goes uphill. Forgiveness is what will give the strength to withstand this ascent.
Forgiveness means renouncing the hope that the past may change. It means to understand that the past is a thing of the past, that the damage in the past can not be repaired to make everything as it once was. This means accepting that there is no magic solution to the damage. It is an understanding that after a storm (which is not fair) you still have to continue living in a wrecked city. But there is not that amount of anger that can build that city again. You have to do it yourself.
Forgiveness means accepting responsibility – not to destroy something, but to eradicate all the ruins.
Forgiveness is the decision that restoring your peace is more important than destroying someone else’s peace.
Forgiveness does not mean you have to reconcile with those who hurt you. It does not mean that you will be friends, sympathize with them, and even justify what they did to you. It just means to accept that they left a mark on you. And that it is now the burden that you have to deal with, whether in good or evil.
That means you’ve finished waiting for the person who breaks you up and fixes you. It is a decision to heal your own wounds, regardless of the scars that will remain on your skin. That’s the decision to move away with the scars.
Forgiveness means you will no longer define what happened to you.
Forgiveness does not mean you give up all your strength. Forgiveness means you have decided again to be strong.